Like most material things in life they come and go through our lives. Some things stay with us forever, reminding us of childhood memories or important moments in our lives. Some are only there until they are broken or no longer serve their purpose. And other objects fall into a category where they have memories attached to them, like little balloons following them where ever they go, yet are too difficult to let go of even if they’re hardly used.
I have a pair of shoes that have been in the bottom of my wardrobe, unworn since the day I bought them in 2012. They’re a gorgeous pair of Kurt Geiger heels, covered in little crystals so they look like a modern day Cinderella shoe. However, no matter how gorgeous they are and how much I appreciate the beauty of them, I cannot wear them.
The balloon that follow this pair of heels around is an unhappy one. These shoes remind me of an unhappy time in my life. A time of my life where I was being controlled and emotionally abused by a person I thought cared about me. I didn’t even want to buy this pair of expensive heels, but I was persuaded to buy them and told we weren’t leaving the shop until I had. So they came home with me, never to be worn.
You may think, Hannah you are you’re own person you shouldn’t have bought them if you didn’t want them. And you’re right. But at the time I was in a very controlling relationship. It’s difficult to explain the situation I was in because even at the time I didn’t understand, like I do now, what kind of relationship I was in and what was ‘normal’. But that’s a whole other story.
These shoes have been hidden away from my view for most of their glittery life. Even after the relationship ended I didn’t get rid of them because they are so pretty, plus expensive. I held onto the heels because I wanted to believe that I could see past the memory they held, that I could one day just see a pair of beautiful sparkly heels. But my brain had already attached these Kurt Geiger heels with an unhappy memory, forever to be linked to them. Even today, a few years after the relationship ended and almost 5 years of owning these gorgeous shoes, they remain in pristine condition. They cannot be separated from the balloon they harbour.
Today that changes. These heels that glitter and sparkle in the light, will forever be embedded with memories of the controlling relationship. No matter how pretty they are that’s all I’ll ever see. I have realised that over the past few days. Hanging onto these shoes just incase I one day wake up and am no longer reminded of the relationship. When in reality it’s never going to happen. The memory of the relationship will always override my desire to wear them, the balloon will always be there.
Letting things go can be difficult. These shoes are the last physical object to remind me of the awful relationship I went through. I so badly wanted to see past the memory, but I’ve finally accepted that I can’t. And so today they are in their box ready and waiting to go to the charity shop. Where someone else can find them and love them, with no bad memories attached.
These shoes represent a negative time in my life, and by hanging onto them they never brought me happiness as a gorgeous pair of shoes should. If something is making you feel negative, unhappy or reminding you of something negative, turn it into a positive. Let that feeling, the object, the time in you life go. By letting it go it leaves room for more positivity, more self love and more happiness (and more shoes!).
Letting go of these shoes has been a long time coming. Now that I have realised that these shoes never have and never will be anything but the memories they carry, there is no point in holding onto them. They need to be let go. Which in turn also lets go of memories they hold. That part of my life is over and I have learnt so much and become a stronger person because of it. Letting things go when the time is right is always a good thing. Holding onto something that doesn’t bring happiness or happy memories only gets heavier and heavier the longer they are held onto. For me remembering the bad memories only got worse as time went on.
And so as these shoes are ready to depart for a new happier life, I am ready to walk forward, past this negative time for good. Focusing on myself and working on being more positive.
Thank you so much for reading if you have read this far! Until next time