Why I Get Anxious

Recently I’ve really been feeling the urge to write my thoughts down and I wasn’t really sure where my thoughts were leading. So here’s where they ended up. In the past few years anxiety has become more prominent in my every day life. In my younger teenage years I think I definitely suffered constantly from anxiety without really knowing it was anxiety. Pressure to do well in school, pressure to know what to do with my life, pressure to be someone I wasn’t. And in my adult life I feel similar pressures.

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In the past few years my anxiety has latched onto different aspects of my life. On thing I did latch onto was purchasing things. This was mainly due to a bad relationship. Even now, years later, I still get major anxiety when shopping. It can be anything I would like to buy: clothes, makeup, shoes. When I pick something up I’d like to purchase it’s like I get this ball in my chest that only gets bigger and bigger because I’m panicking about spending money on it.
I think about what I could buy instead of this product, like continuing to save for a house or maybe if I don’t like the product and the money has been wasted. I also massively feel like I don’t deserve the item, like I haven’t done anything to buy the item for myself. Which may sound silly, but it’s hard to get thoughts that have been there for a few years out. This often leads to me walking out of the shop or clicking off the website without purchasing anything. Basically I walk away and not really deal with the feelings.

For a while I was convinced I wasn’t ‘normal’ because I couldn’t buy items without feeling anxious. When, after a recent conversation, it is ‘normal’. It’s normal for me. And I shouldn’t walk away from feeling anxious just because I don’t like to feel anxious in public. I won’t get anywhere in life and it won’t ease the anxiety.

So to help my anxiety in this area of my life I realised it’s okay to spend money on myself, it doesn’t mean that in future I won’t be able to afford a house just because I spent £20 on makeup every so often. And I am deserving of treating myself. Everyone deserves being treated and why not treat myself. I don’t need the excuse of my birthday or things like that just to buy myself something. So the I am feeling anxious about purchasing something I think about the ball in my chest and  work on my breathing. Calming myself down and controlling my thoughts so I don’t just go into this downward spiral. I tell myself that it’s okay to feel anxious about this, it’s okay to take my time when purchasing things. It’s okay if the top doesn’t fit and it has to go back, the shop assistant won’t care that I’m returning something. And if I don’t like the makeup that’s okay too, I’ll know not to bother with it again.

Another thing that gives me a lot of anxiety is work. I work in a stressful but rewarding job. Whilst I enjoy what I do, sometimes it really tries me. And I’m not really sure what I want to do career wise. Like where I am I’m not sure about progression in my career, and the alternative is finding a different path with the same sector or something like an offie job or maybe even something to do with makeup. Growing up I always thought I knew what I wanted to be and when life happened, it never happened how I thought it would. Where I am now I am happy with, however I would like to change direction. So who knows this time next year I could be doing something totally different!

I guess the point of this post was to get a few things out of my head and in word format.  I find when I write things down I find easier to collate my thoughts and really make sense of what I really want. I know it’s not healthy to feel unworthy of making a purchase in store or online and to walk away instead of dealing with it. And I am working on working through the anxiety when I feel it rather than walk away. I definitely do deserve to treat myself every now and then, after all that’s why I earn money! As for work, I’m thinking of taking some makeup courses and see if it’s something I really want to pursue.

Overall I just want to be the best person I can be and really push myself to fulfil my potential. Thank you so much if you made it this far! I feel like I should include more personal posts as well as makeup tutorials and reviews. What do you guys think? Would you like more personal posts every now and then?

Until next time everyone!

x

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18 thoughts on “Why I Get Anxious

  1. Lauren Hodgson says:

    I really relate to this post. I used to be the same with spending, and would never allow myself to have a treat every now and then. I’m not so bad now, but that’s only because I’ve spent years not treating myself and saving up, so I’ve started to realise that I need to enjoy myself now as well as focusing on the future (but it’s not always so easy!) I get anxious over really silly things, a lot of the time, and it seems to come out of nowhere. The other day I actually cried because I had to fill my car up with petrol, and I felt like I would be judged for it – did it, and it was fine, but that’s anxiety for you! Anyway, I’m glad that you’re starting to have a more positive perspective on things and I really enjoyed this post. xx

    Liked by 2 people

    • Amethyst Rose Beauty says:

      I was the exact same! It’s not silly if you feel anxious over it, anxiety can be triggered by anything. I’ve learnt different techniques and having supportive people around me has helped too! Thank you, it’s so nice of you to comment and I feel better knowing I’m not the only one who gets anxious about buying things!xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. alyssahotrum says:

    I love this as well ! I have anxiety as well and also social anxiety . I am proud of you for sharing how you feel with others ! If you want you can check out some of my blogs in relation to anxiety , much love xo .

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Katie Rose says:

    I think you should definitely do some more personal posts from time to time, it’s healthy to – like you said – it gets your thoughts down in word format, and there’s so many people who will be like ‘hey, me too!’. You are 1000% worth treating, and when that little voice in your head tries to tell you otherwise, tell it to *kindly* p*ss off. 🙂 I hope you find your way career-wise – if it helps, I’ve never really known what I wanted to do & I sort of struggle to find my niche… Go for those makeup courses! You’ve got nothing to lose 🙂 xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Amethyst Rose Beauty says:

      Thank you! I think I definitely will do more personal posts in the future. You have no idea how much this comment made me happy! Your totally right! We all deserve treats from ourselves to ourselves! And that voice needs to find its way out of my head!
      I struggle to find my niche too! Hopefully doing a makeup course will either help me find it or decide if I should look else where xx

      Liked by 1 person

      • Katie Rose says:

        You’re so welcome!! Tell that voice where to go & embrace all the positive thoughts (how cheesy do I sound!!) Good luck if you do start that makeup course! Hope you’re enjoying the beginnings of Spring! 🙂 xx

        Liked by 1 person

      • Amethyst Rose Beauty says:

        That’s not cheesy at all! It’s amazing to get such a positive and motivational comment! Thank you, I have something in the pipelines for a course at the moment! I’m loving the warmer weather in the U.K. And I’m definitely feeling more positive! I hope you’re enjoying the start of Spring too!xx

        Liked by 1 person

  4. missniabella says:

    Hi Hun,

    Love this post, you have taken such a sensitive subject for most of us, and made it Okay to talk about, i have been suffering from Anxiety for as long as I can remember, I wish i had the courage to talk about it the way that you have. Keep up the amazing writing 🙂 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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